chances taken,

i have found i question life as much as possible, everything we do is taking chances even if you know what your outcome is going to be. i am questioning more and more every single day. for instance when i cross a road without pedestrian crossing, the distance between me and that car, measuring everything within the distance/speed/time triangle, i am taking a chance on whether that car is going to slow down, continue it's pace or if this risk was taken to close for a reaction time, thus me being hit.

when people remark on risks i take i dont find it as offensive or maybe not take to it as much as i should, hannah, why are you trying to tan (skin cancer), why are you smoking (various cancers), why do you have so many sugars in your tea (diabetes). it's that don't care enough about myself. there's a certain perspective which i have but maybe is not the right one to have, i mean.. we are all going to die right? suffering (unless sudden death) is something so many people live their lives in fear of. the reality of it all is that suffering is something we are all going to have to face, whether we like it or not. we all have such unique different life path's but then we are all dead, my point being, what's the point of living if we don't take risks, if you dont take chances then you will not learn sufficently.

-

through this isolation i have brought upon myself i have found nothing,
i cannot tell you exactly what i have wanted to achieve through being anti social, perhaps i'm not even being anti social it's just that there is nothing to do anymore, and that all that is focused on in my brain is of past occurances from better times that i pray i am still capable of living.

or maybe through so many fond memories of the past i have just grown higher expectations of everything and everyone around me and nothing ever seems to replenish this longing hunger for something bigger; a bigger picture.

everything's a faise and when nothing brings you satisfaction anymore you feel as though life is no longer worth living, what your going through to get through it, with or without necessary pleasures to get you to the end.

gob smacked.

lurkers, please do what you do best.

if you appreciate good art, have a look at this girl's work, it is nothing short of amazing, inspiring.

http://www.behance.net/gallery/paintings-2/261620

jeorga louise harris,

who would have thought that innocent little blonde indie girl outside charlestown square, hanging out with my ex boyfriend, would years later become my very bestfriend.

that would years later become such a big part of my life, that life without her is
my life incomplete. when she hurts, i hurt, when she smiles, i smile, when she laughs, im laughing.

as cute as a button, you jeorga louise harris, are so beautiful. our memories remain forever and forever are going to be reproduced.
i love you the world and whatever happens i am never, ever going to let you go. best friends to the grave.