changes

at twelve my first boyfriend, it didnt last long, my mind slips at this because it was too long ago.
at thirteen i was at shock, i could see my entire academia falling before my eyes, and to help that my father brought the worst in me, made me feel as though having a brain rich in mathematics was what i truely needed to succeed in life.
at fourteen i was completely mind boggled, clinged to this self consumed, heartless bitch. that i found after an entire childhood (that does reffer to kindergarten until present), i was nothing to her, at most a sidekick. something she felt as being lower than herself to bring herself to ease, and at more self worth.
at fifteen i was a heart-throb, completely taken by someone i had met just the night before, and what felt to be destiny. dating for exactly a year, this was probably.. no, definatly the best year of my life, almost absolutely careless. all we truely needed was each others company.
at sixteen i was a nervous wreck, until my strings snapped, i stopped eating, attempted drug overdose and got stuck in a hospital ward that was basically a fancy name for a hygenic jail, that instead of feeding you close to nothing, trying to feed you as much as possible.
now, at seventeen i don't believe in much at all, and most definatly not in love, not between a man and a woman. only for family and for friends. i cannot hold a relationship for anything much more than a month. although i am totally aware of who i am, the sort of person i have become, what i can and cannot withstand, and after all, isn't that life's biggest question? who we are?